“Congrat-dolenes” - 14 Weeks
Normally I have the urge to write when something has happened that bothered me and I need to process it a bit. There’s really only been one of those things recently. It’s really odd to me that people feel the need to “knock you back into reality” when you tell them good news. Why do people feel the need to tell you all the horrible things you are in for? I don’t get it. I had one person tell me “congrat-dolences” when I told them our IVF transfer had been successful. And then proceed to talk about sleepless nights, fighting teenagers, physical and emotional disabilities (their children deal with), and lots more. I just kind of nodded my head along to be polite but inside I was trying to figure out what was going on with this dynamic. I have a friend who is TTC (trying to conceive) and she told me privately last week that she’s terrified of giving birth, to the extent that it keeps them from doing what needs to be done at the time it needs to be done to make a baby. I asked where that fear came from and she said from stories her “friends” told her when she told them she and her husband were going to start trying.
WWWHHHYYY???
Why share such horrible stories with your friend?? Are you even a friend if you do that? Is this people’s way of trying to relate? Is it dark humor? Is it people trying to escape their present and live in their past? Is it people’s way of truly trying to dissuade people from making the same choices they did (to have kids)?
When I was struggling with the hurtful things people would say about infertility (just wait, it’ll happen, God has a plan, maybe you have things to work on in your marriage first, there’s a reason for everything, etc), it made sense to me that people don’t like being around uncomfortable people so by offering these sage words of advice they are “making me feel better” and thus making themselves feel better. It didn’t make me feel better, but it still made them feel better. I get that dynamic. But I don’t get this new one. I’m trying to figure out the underlying emotional issues that are happening but I can’t quite grasp it.
If it were just one or two people who did stuff like that, I’d chalk it up to them being weird and needing some therapy, but this is lots of people.
Maybe these parents are in the thick of parenting, and nothing feels awesome right now and it’s their way of saying “welcome to the club”? I saw a comment on a twins birth announcement on facebook this morning that said “welcome to the sleep deprived club” from another mom of twins. It was said with a lighthearted attitude I’m sure…but why?? Maybe to help those new parents feel like they are normal when they are feeling insane from sleep deprivation? I don’t know. This is a topic for further contemplation.
In other news, I’m 14 weeks in! It’s hard to believe it’s an entire month post shots ending. It feels like the time is flying. I still haven’t experienced the truly terrible pregnancy symptoms. Mostly I’m just tired. I’ve started to get a few headaches here and there. I’ve made an adjustment to my eating that has helped me not pee so much during the night so I’m sleeping better even (I’m eating a salty snack before bedtime and an electrolyte drink during the day). Yesterday for the first time I contemplated getting some maternity clothes. I feel like it’s a little early still but there are some really good end of season sales going on. I want to get a dress for my cousins wedding (the end of September) but I don’t know how to shop for it. It seems like most stuff like that you have to get online as hardly anything is carried in stores anymore (ugh). But I’ve always been the person that tried everything on before I bought it. So…I don’t know.
It’s time to walk the dog before heading to the gym so I’m signing off for now.
