2023 reflections

2023 started off with a lot of uncertainty about the future. We did egg retrieval for IVF in January and when we started the process had no idea how it would go. My overall feeling about 2023 is that I could have spent a lot of time anxious about the future and instead (mostly because of my support system) was able to stay present and enjoy the moment. (even as I’m writing that it sounds mushy and gross and unrealistic, but it was my 2023 experience).

There have been a lot of times through out the year that my first reaction was fear and to cling for dear life to something and it took a conscious effort to say to myself “I don’t know the future. Even if this event turns out fine, the next one might not. Be grateful for what you have right now because you don’t know when you might lose it”. This scenario played out a few times with pregnancy. I would worry that I was going to miscarry and start to get pretty worked up. Then I’d remind myself that even if I don’t miscarry, there’s no promise of a healthy baby at delivery, or her surviving childhood. At some point I could lose her and instead of living in fear I just need to be grateful and thankful for every day I have with her. No matter when we lose the things and people we love, it will ALWAYS be painful and we will regret that we didn’t have more time.

2023 turned into a year full of adventure. As I’m reflecting back on it mostly what I see is a full year of camping, racing, SWATing, learning about pregnancy and lots and lots of walking the dog.

Xion decided he no longer poops in the backyard, he needs a walk in the morning and evening to complete his bodily requirements. (This has actually been a great thing for my marriage because Drew and I walk Xion 90% of the evenings together and spend the time talking and building our relationship).

I had amazing adventures both solo and with friends in Montana.

We had 6 baby showers thrown for us!

We defended ourselves against the onslaught of the baby industry.

We started making plans for 2024 including a big family trip to the Czech Republic in June with baby.

We decorated and set up a nursery.

We rang in the new year on Greenwich Mean Time (4 PM PST) by watching the London festivities on youtube.

I made deeper friendships, reconnected with old friends and started new friendships and went into counseling to try to repair other relationships.

I’m grateful for 2023. It was a big year. A year of preparation for change. I’m looking forward to 2024 with some nervousness but also a lot of hope.