Transfer Day!
Transfer Day! Oh boy! It’s the big event that dozens of shots, tens of thousands of dollars and countless tears have been leading up to! A lot of people were asking me how I feel and honestly…it’s taken a while to figure that out. I think I started to put a finger on it last night during a conversation with my brother in law. If the transfer is unsuccessful I know how to handle that. The last 8 years have been full of disappointment, frustration and unanswered questions. I know how to handle that now. I know what people are going to say. I know how to respond. I know how to take care of myself. I know how to be kind to my body and my mind. I know how I will react and I know how Drew will react. If the transfer fails…that’s like re watching a movie we’ve seen a dozen times already. BUT if it doesn’t fail…well that’s uncharted territory. I don’t have the privilege of a naïve pregnancy. I know the statistics. I’ve watched people I love go through miscarriages. I don’t get to just burry my head in the sand and pretend everything will be ok. Because I don’t know it will be.
Some of the things that feel like uncharted waters are things like a baby shower. Do I have one? I couldn’t go to them for years. How will I feel having one of my own? Can I handle that?
What about continuing to be public and open about our fertility journey on social media? I have been in the position of scrolling FB and seeing post after post about baby bump pictures, new born announcements, gender reveals etc. I don’t want to be part of the trauma for people who are in the middle of the storm.
So I think I feel a little anxious about the uncharted water thing. But overall I feel like no matter what happens I will be ok. I have an amazing support system. I couldn’t ask for a more caring group. I’ve received so many texts, pictures and messages with encouragement.
When we were heading out the door to the doctors appointment. One of our nieces asked where we were going. Drew responded that the cookie dough had been taken out of the freezer and now we needed to put it into the oven. Great analogy!
