Good job body (Repost)
Original post from July 2021
As a girl your told there are certain frustrations you have to put up with (hormones, cramps, monthly cycle) for the tradeoff of growing a human life inside you. Unfortunately, I experience all those frustrations but my body won't do what it's supposed to do…grow a baby.
This is a huge source of disappointment in my body.
Over the last year I started training to do something my body could actually do. A half Ironman. During the leadup to the race, many athletes were talking about the reason why they were doing the IRONMAN 70.3 Oregon. I didn’t have the guts to tell anyone but my reason was to be less disappointed in my body. Just because it's not doing what it's SUPPOSED TO BE CREATED TO DO, doesn't mean it can't do other awesome shit!
It's easy to feel a victim to circumstance. It's easy to blame the universe for the hand I've been dealt. It's easy to be a puddle of tears every 28 days. It's easy to get triggered by every baby bump picture, birth announcement, gender reveal and birthday party I see on social media.
It's really f*cking hard to know that I get to choose my attitude. I get to choose to be happy and present. I choose. My happiness and fulfillment is not a result of my circumstances. I wish I could learn that lesson once and always have it with me, instead I have to constantly remind myself of that fact.
So... That's why I signed up, trained and then pushed myself on the IRONMAN 70.3 Oregon in Salem in July.
The course was beautiful. The swim was really fast (I expected to finish in 40 mins and instead finished in 25). The bike was rolling hills and farmland. It was an out and back which meant I got to see my brother and my dad on their second half of the bike course. I felt really good on the bike and kept having to tell myself to slow down and save some for the run. The run was a mix of trail and pavement. About 8 miles into the run my knees started hurting really bad (definitely undertrained on the run). I kept telling myself that it's just pain. Physical pain goes away, it’s the emotional pain that sticks with you.
The locals and volunteers were amazing! They were cheering like crazy and I appreciated every funny sign that I saw. One said "women rule", one said "beer and bragging rights ahead" , one guy was out holding a sign and looked naked but actually was wearing a speedo with funny emoji stickers in creative places.
Finish time was 6:37:20. Good job body
I think this race was very healing for me. I needed to sweat out some emotional pain. I felt like my infertility and I completed that race. Like it was a person beside me, swimming with me, biking with me and running with me. I felt it’s presence the entire time. I needed to show it, and myself that infertility didn’t define me. It’s a piece of my story but it’s not the hero OR the villain of my story.
