Space for other people’s grief
In life there are times when the people around you go through hell and you have to sit by and hold space for them to grieve. It’s uncomfortable. It’s ugly. It’s a big knot of anxiety in your stomach. For me, I handle that feeling by wanting to do something. Have a conversation, clean something, buy something, cook something etc. Doing something helps me focus on something other then the big knot of dread that looms over everything. I guess you could say I ‘overfunction’ in those types of anxiety filled situations. It’s really hard for me to just sit with the uncomfortable feelings. I don’t want to grieve, I don’t want to watch other people grieve. I want everyone to be happy. But that’s just not how life works, is it? I need to be able to make space for my grief and for theirs. I need to allow myself (and others) to just feel all of the things. Watching someone else go through grief is harder then grieving on my own. I wonder why? Maybe it’s because there’s nothing I can do to fix it (yes I’m a control freak)? Maybe it’s because their grief brings to light that I will also grieve in the future and the anticipation of that future grief brings unexplainable anxiety? Maybe it’s just that I don’t like to see other people in pain. I don’t know.
I have a dear friend who recently lost a family member. This family member had been sick for a while but they always managed to pull through until this time. Watching my friend go through the process of grief makes me want to curl up in a puddle sobbing and simultaneously kick and scream and be angry that life has once again played it’s cruel hand. I want to sit outside her door every night and just be there, holding the world away, making space for her to process this devastating loss. I feel an urge to have the ‘right words to say’ when the reality is there are no right words.
It’s hard to grieve, it’s also hard to watch some grieve and allow them space. So today, my guidance is to hold space for people’s grief. Don’t offer advice or try to rush them through it. Just let it be.
